After an exhausting morning of posing on the trail, Debbie, Joyce and Jerry went to Orrido De Bellano a natural waterfall and gorge in Bellano. It was not the most impressive gorge that they had seen but felt it was a good deal for 5 Euro.

For those who don’t know, we often have a hard-hitting reporter than travels with us to help get the real story and to make the blog more interesting. She is called HHR for Hard Hitting Reporter who asks the hard question that you want to know. She and Debbie have had disagreements in the past.

We are lucky to have the hard-hitting reporter with us today to help us to discuss fashion and tips on picture posing.

HHR: Larry let’s start with you. What did you think of the Swiss fashion?

Larry: Everyone had the best latest sportswear. Not that I would notice brand names.

Jerry: I would agree. Larry, I saw you admiring the cars. Did you actually try to pose with one of the cars or get in one.?

Larry:, I just wanted to make sure the clothes matched the car

Joyce: I don’t look at fashion I look at price

HHR. I would expect nothing less from a founding member of les cheap girls.

Debbie Don’t you want my opinion?

HHR: No, we all know fashion is well not your wheelhouse. I mean you wear a Jessie from Toy Story hat and you have scabs on your lips.

Debbie: I don’t remember asking you to come on this trip. But I want to talk about the tube dresses in Italy. Joyce and I have been watching people pose. We think that we need a tube dress.

Joyce: We have seen more tube dresses than we thought existed. Many of them are black.

HHR: For those in doubt, the definition of a tube dress is a type of dress that is typically made of stretchy material and features a straight, tube-like shape. Tbe dresses typically do not have sleeves or straps. You can’t possibly be referring to you getting a tube dress

Debbie: Hey, we rode the train over to Varenna and hiked along the river watching for posers. I think you’ll like our new poses.

HHR: Again, I advise you not to get the dress but I am getting one. Larry, is it true that you had to borrow an Euro again to use the bathroom?

Larry: Well, if Debbie would just give me some money then I wouldn’t have to run up an account with Jerry. The bathroom totally rinses once you start the process. It is a confusing process.

HHR: Of course Larry, you should always have pocket money.

Debbie: HHR are you sure you were invited?

The Italians take their trash and recycling seriously. We got chased down and called out on the street for leaving trash in the wrong place. It was nicely done but still now we are labeled as trash offenders.

We decided to hike from Bellano to Varenna. The hike was along the Sentiero del Viandante. Educational Moment: Sentiero del Viandante is an ancient mule track that runs along the eastern branch of Lake Como. It is about 40 kilometers long. . (No, we didn’t make the whole walk). It is wellmarked with orange signals. (OK this is not really true). There was a lot of circling and asking questions. An orange splat doesn’t really tell you which way to go. Larry and Jerry swear they heard wild dogs.

This ancient walkway intersects with the railway line. it is possible to return to the starting point by train without having to go back along the path. We discovered after much anxiety how to buy a train ticket and get it validated. Debbie became an expert at slapping her phone down to pay wirelessly.

From the train station it was another hike to the pizza parlor. We got two pizzas for under 10 euro each along with calamari. Best of all, Joyce and Debbie found a bakery and bought little trays of bakery delicacies. Unfortunately, there were no pictures taken of the bakery items nor pizza before they were consumed.

Today was a ferry ride around Lake Como.

Educational Moment: Lake Como is the third largest lake in Italy, and the fifth deepest in all of Europe. The lake is considered glacial and that impacts the color. The main source of water to the lake is the river Adda, which enters the lake from the north end. The lake has three main branches, which form an inverted Y shape. The lake has many cities along it’s coast.

Everyone went down across the street to buy tickets at what they thought was opening time – 7:00 AM. Surprise you can’t only buy 20 minutes before a ferry. Even bigger surprise at ticket time, if you are American, they only want cash. “Cash only! Cash only” Debbie was one Euro short. Luckily, Jerry could float here the loan.

The group first went to Bellagio to hunt for George. They were sure that George would want to invite them for lunch. Yes, the Bellagio casino was named after the city. Not really sure why -there are no dancing waters. Joyce and Debbie were forced to purchase gelato for toilet access for everyone. They left Bellagio by ferry before the big mind boggling wait of two hours.

They took another ferry to see Villa Carlotta. It was an old villa built in the 1700s and passed between people until some Princess named Carlotta got it. There are beautiful gardens and rooms full of art.

They ended the day on a ferry and train to get home. Still no George.

Today was travel day. The group left Switzerland and headed for Lake Como and Italy via the Bernina Express. Cultural Moment: The Bernina is a UNESCO World site. It is the the highest railway tracks in Europe and the steepest in the world, the Bernina Express takes its passengers on a journey through 55 tunnels and over 196 bridges. From Switzerland’s oldest town, Charl, through gorges, up to the ice of the glaciers and back down to the palm trees in the Italian town of Tirano.

The group was relieved to get the luggage on the train without the clown car vibe. They saw some spectacular views and got free tea and candy to boot.

Here’s a fun fact. One of the most sought after sewing machines is a Bernina machine. Bernina’s are Swiss, made sewing machines and named after the Bernina mountain, which is the tallest mountain in the eastern alps and has the same name as the Bernina express.

Everyone felt lucky that Debbie didn’t figure this out until after they left or they would be dragging a sewing machine across Europe.

The train ride has some fantastic views. The ride ended in Tirano, Italy. There was only a few minutes, to find lunch and eat it. The next leg of our trip was a bus ride. The group was almost giddy when the driver put their suitcases underneath the bus. They took the bus to the next train station, and then on to Bellano comune (municipality) and small town on the eastern shore of Lake Como.

Educational Moment: Lake Como, in Northern Italy’s Lombardy region, is an upscale resort area known for scenery set against the foothills of the Alps. The lake is shaped like an upside-down Y, with three slender branches that meet at the resort town of Bellagio. George Clooney also has a home on Lake Como so the four expect a shout out from George.

Included are pictures of the rental. It is a 2 bedroom 1.5 bath. One bathroom is in the utility room. (Not unusual in old houses that have been remodeled.) One just has to be careful when the windows are open as the toilet has a scenic view of the courtyard and vice versa.

Everyone was happy to make it to the rental which is only a block from the lake. Once again, Joyce, did a great job finding out the details.

Debbie’s swollen lips had gone down while Larry’s redness had settled down to a nice glow. Joyce decided to go easy on them.

If you spend more than two nights in St. Moritz then you get a free pass to all the lifts while you are there. We spent the morning at the Corvatsch 3303 lift which is a two phased lift. We rode up with a group that hang glides off the mountains and rode down with a rock climbing group.

After the lift, the group hiked around a lake as they listened to the cows with their bells as they grazed in the field.

After the hike, the imprisonment in the bathroom and the uncooperative buses, our travelers limped back to the room.

In the room, Debbie immediately drank water, fell face down on the bed and slept until Larry woke her up. They ate their dinner which consisted of our familiar mashed potatoes and corn in a can. They went to bed at approximately 8:30 PM. Debbie was unsure if she was going to go for tomorrow’s hike but eventually decided that she would maybe give it a try. Larry was definitely going.

Throughout the night as Larry got up, he felt a little different each time. He started turning on the light and discovered each time his face became a little bit redder. At 4 AM, he turned on the light and looked in the mirror to see, George Hamilton staring back at him. (For those who don’t know George Hamilton was a a 1960s – 1970s actor known for being tan). Larry told Debbie that he couldn’t go to the next day as he was sun burned.

Debbie agreed that maybe she shouldn’t go either she as she didn’t feel quite right.
Debbie thought “maybe I got sunburned too because I don’t feel quite right and I keep drinking water.”

Something didn’t feel quite right, so Debbie turned on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror only to discover a Botox treatment gone very wrong. Her bottom lip stuck way out. She could almost see her lip when she looked down. Debbie also noticed her hands were sunburned in the shape of someone gripping a pole very tightly.

So George Hamilton and his Botox girlfriend stayed in. They did discover if your laundry gets left in the washer that the maid service will just lay the wet clothes on the floor for the owner to claim, find and dry. They also missed Joyce’s trip on the 6th caused by a torn ACL from years ago. Joyce is icing her knee. Jerry is the last man standing.

It also goes without saying that no pictures of George Hamilton AKA Larry or Botox Betty exists.

The hiking mountain, Muottas Muragl was the goal for the day. The hike includes breathtaking views of the four lakes and the world-famous resort town of St. Moritz extend far beyond the mountain ranges into the distant horizon. Joyce assured her hikers that the views were worth it and that it was the hike she wanted to make.

The hike began with a lift ride up the mountain about half way over tall trees with shaded trails below where hikers happily hiked down the trail.

The group arrived at the top of the lift with their sticks and jackets. They took some pictures to start out the trip. The pamphlet said that the trail went through pine forests which implies some trees. They heard the gentle clanking of cow bells and off they went. They walked through water, they walked through rocks, they sat, they hiked, they drank water, they shed clothes, they saw the breathtaking views.

After 2.5 hours, they came to the restaurant for lunch. All supplies come via helicopter or are hiked in. After a rest, they continued on with the addition of switchbacks. Debbie’s favorite. Jerry and Larry started scouting benches. Debbie thinks that there was discussion of a cattle prod for her. The most difficult part was the last part which was an ascent to the lift chairs.

All agreed it had been a worthwhile hike but were ready to descend. There were a couple of other incidents that day.

First at the end of the hike, Debbie went to the kiddie toilet by mistake. Something she noticed once she was almost sitting on the ground. She recovered from the floor but then discovered that she was locked in. Debbie rattled and beat on the door but had to yell for help. And no for all you little problem solvers, you couldn’t crawl under the 6 inch gap at the bottom of the door nor launch yourself over the top given it was the little short kiddie toilet. Debbie also did not think you would want to see her come launching over the top. Joyce heard her yelling and went for help. The guy immediately pulled a wrench and unlocked it which makes Debbie think it has happened before. Really, do you sit at your desk with a wrench?

Secondly, Swiss precision is a myth. In certain places in the late afternoon, the buses stop running on one side of the street and just use one side for the buses. All the electronic schedules show both sides. All the tourists line up on the wrong side where a local will occasionally amble over and say “You are all on the wrong side” causing great disarray and people missing buses and Debbie’s sink eye.

All in all a good day though.

Joyce is a transportation master. She researches how to get there, when to get there and how to do it cheaply. She had everyone up and ready to catch the train early. The trick is that sometimes Google Maps doesn’t cooperate and some back tracking may be involved. Joyce even has a train schedule given to her by the hotel. The rest of us were not deemed worthy by the hotel. Our first train ride of the day involved flagging a train down which was very concerning as there was supposed to be a button you push to signal the train but was not. (The last thing the hotel said was “Oh you can’t miss the button.”) Eventually, enough people showed up that we knew the train would probably (think anxiety here) stop Which it did.

So off to the glaciers and another hike. The glacier was Morteratsch Glacier and the hike thankfully, flat. There are however mountain bikers who whiz by with little warning – no bells. This hike Debbie remembered her hat but feels like Jessie from Toy Story every time she put it on. The big black rock looking things in front are ice, we think.

For lunch some ate what many consider the Swiss National dish. Rösti (or Röschti) is a Swiss dish made with coarsely grated potatoes that have been fried in a pan. Come on, fried hash browns who wouldn’t like it? Debbie had the Polish sausage and Larry/Jerry added eggs.

Next more trains and glaciers. We took a ski lift up to see more glaciers and then back on the train for a ride home. Great views!

Some of you like to see where the travelers stay. The group stayed in Celerina/Schlariga. It is next to St. Moritz. It is a cheaper version….We are the cheap girls…Cultural Moment: St Moriz was the birthplace of Alpine winter tourism (in 1864) and has twice hosted the Winter Olympics. Nevertheless, the group is staying at the town next door at the “All in One Hotel” or as they like to refer to it “The Three Little Pigs Hotel”. It has three of everything. Three beds, three chairs, three plates….

On Saturday, the group caught the bus and rode to their first hike. The group is having issues with opening doors. You push on the doors not pull. This has led to some shall we say misunderstandings such as beating on the train doors and being convinced one is locked in the bathroom stall. Our first hike was around the lake and to the pizzeria for lunch.

What is the language spoken in Switzerland? An important thing to know when yelling for help to get out of the bathroom.

Switzerland is a multilingual country with four national languages: German, French, Italian, and Romansh. The predominant language varies by regions of the country, called cantons. German is the most spoken language in the country, and is widely spoken in the central region of the country. French is more predominant in the west near the French border, while Italian is more common in the south near the Italian border. Romansh is mainly spoken in the canton of Graubünden in southeast Switzerland. We are in an Italian area.

After lunch, the four hiked back to The Three Little Pigs.