Where Washers Go To Die

When  last left, we had been dumped on the street in front of our door armed with the secret password “Fausto”.  A waiter took pity on us and asked if he could help.  We said “Yes, Fausto”.  He replied “Oh yes, Fausto, I will call – sit”. Eventually, we saw Fausto hurrying down the street armed with keys and papers.  Debbie spotted him first and believe her first words were ” Here we go”.  He gave us about a 30 minute introduction and instructions to the flat.  He said that we were such nice people that he didn’t need a deposit.

The flat is close to Vatican City  and just too mind boggling for one person to describe.  So, we have asked our guests to describe some of their favorite features in an interview format.

Moderator:  Could you tell me what first struck you about the apartment?

Debbie:  Well, I especially like the extra security feature of the front door of the apartment building.  If someone over 5 ft 6 in is chasing you and you run through the door, they will hit their head on the door and knock themselves out.  (Jerry has tested the head hitting theory – he was just walking not running so did not pass out)

Debbie:  Oh, here is another one.  I like that it is family friendly.  It is right across from an Italian elementary school filled with children that have never heard of quiet time or the quiet game.  They certainly have some healthy lungs and sure can shout loudly.

Moderator:  That is enough from you Debbie, let someone else talk for awhile.

Larry:  This never happens…. We have 15 Italian electrical outlets in our flat and only  2 international converter plugs!  One of which is being used for the fire stick (Larry wanted to put this in so you would know that he got the TV working).  Every outlet is ready to go.  This is fantastic.

Joyce:  I have one.  There are such cute little knick knacks sitting everywhere. (Note to self:  Remember this for Joyce’s Christmas gift)

Moderator:  Let’s talk about the bathroom facilities:

Jerry:  I would like to weigh in on that one.  My favorite thing is the cozy little bathroom.  It is so small when I close the accordion door that I can’t pull my pants up without opening the door again.

Moderator:  Debbie, I heard that you were banned from the small bathroom’s shower.  Is this correct?

Debbie:  Well yes, I do have a history of flooding bathrooms across three continents.  (North America, Europe and Africa).  There was the belief that I might be an accident waiting to happen.  I do enjoy staring directly at the kitty cat shower curtain when I visit the small bathroom especially since the shower that I use has no shower curtain.  Larry, do you want to tell them about the special skill that you have developed in the shower?

Larry:  Yes, since there is no shower curtain, I have determined how to use less water, reduce my shower time and shower by body segments.  I am also quite taken with the bidet.  (Debbie has said NO!)

Debbie:  I am not finished with the bathroom.  I have also developed a special talent of taking a bath with no plug.  I take one of the nice plastic flowers and stick it over the plug and keep my heel in the middle of the plug.  (Don’t use the one covering the rust spot)

Moderator:  Joyce let’s talk about your favorite feature, the “Red Button”.

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Moderator:  Wait, I don’t understand.  Has this ever happened to anyone?  Why would Fausto do this?

Joyce:  As best we can determine, there was a flood at some time.  Once this was done, Fausto put these in as a fail safe.  Yes, Debbie has had the water stop running on her a couple of times.  This means she has to stop what she is doing and go push the red button.  (We are working with Debbie on her vocabulary   along with tone of voice when this happens.  There are children across the way that might hear some inappropriate comments).

Moderator:  So there is no washing machine?

Debbie:  Well, no not exactly.  Fausto has arranged for us to take our laundry to a laundromat to have it done.  However, he has left 3 washers in the flat to use as work tables.

Jerry:  I’d like to get in on that comment.  We have also enjoyed hand washing some items and drying them in the windows so that the Italian children have an opportunity to see American socks.  We like to think of it as a cultural exchange.

Moderator:  Larry, I know how much you like your A/C, how is that working out for you?

Larry:  Good, good.  We have portable units in each room.  While I have not experienced any real issues, I have managed to get some good repair time in on Jerry’s unit and have set up a maintenance program.

Joyce:  Yes, since Larry started his A/C maintenance service we have not had to clean up the water on the floor.

Debbie:  Don’t forget the entertainment center in Joyce and Jerry’s room.

Joyce:  Yes, we have turned the beds into an entertainment room since we have the only TV in our room.  Jerry, Larry and I all have beds.  We just make Debbie sit on the end of Larry’s station.  (She is not always gracious about this).

Moderator:  Thanks to our panel.  I think that you have given our readers a good overview of the flat.  I couldn’t have done it better myself.

On an end of day note, the guests were treated to a Chinese dinner which made some guests happier than others.  We mentioned Fausto’s name as instructed and the waitress said that she had never heard of him.